Last 3 Fridays was my last contribution to PERKEMAS. Today, another Friday, was my last participation in its program. InsyaAllah. I wasn't able to conceal my grief, not even in public. My voice was shaking while speaking on the mic, fighting hard not to drop any tears. After the whole four years of commitments, to think that this day would finally come, one last gathering at the Clubhouse, looking at the crowds, comrades, future successors, looking at every corner of the clubhouse, everything that me and others worked hard to build, to know that I was going to leave everything behind in few weeks and move on, it was just too much.
I thanked Allah for lending me the power to shape the organization, somehow. Alhamdulillah. I hope that He would accept my good deeds and sunnah hasanah all these while. But more importantly, I am hoping that all my shortcomings would be forgiven and that non of my sunnah sayyiah, if any, would ever continue through out the following years.
I don't know why, but Alhamdulillah God highlighted His Love and Mercy on me today. I was dispirited, and He let me read something I really needed from a favorite book. I was trying to get back up, out of nowhere He surprised me with a beautiful, colorful fireworks in the air, from a very near street, 30 secs walking distance. That, unconsciously made me smile, I was at ease. Not to mention all the wonderful people He sends. MasyaAllah. Alhamdulillah.
If today was already this hard, what would happen on the day when I had to leave Egypt for good? I am hoping I won't be alone during my journey back home, coz if I am, I doubt I can be at my best.
Wallahu'alam.
Ps: maybe I over-reacted and this is just today. :)
Prayers, thank you.
