confession of the heart

Salam.

I went to my favourite mosque after lecture today, prayed and sat, thought of starting the exam momentum and start memorizing the Quran, but instead… my mind flew.

Out of the blue, I asked myself, now that I’m going to take my last and final term exam, what should I do after graduation…?

Wanna know...? The first thing that popped out of my mind was… Mom.

She’s the only one who has been supporting me here financially, besides supporting herself, grandma, my house and all the bills. For more than 22 years, she did it all by herself. Having to raise me alone and balance with work, never once she gave up, no, it was not in her dictionary. I've seen her struggle, I've seen her pain. Eventhough she tried hard not to show.

Do you want to know what I’m going to do? I’m gonna get this final term done, with flying colours hopefully, ameen, get over with this presidential responsibilities which gonna end in six months, and ensure myself that I’ll make it great like none other. Then I’m gonna graduate, get back home, find an excellent job and take over all her expenses. I’m going to let her rest, and that’s for sure.

Then I’m going to save more bucks, seek scholarship and further my studies. I’ll save enough cash to get married and have children, so she won’t have to stay alone all by herself ever again. That's how I want it to be, but who knows maybe Allah has something else better planned for me. Wallahu'alam.

Grandma is at Auntie’s place. Someone else needs to take care of her now that I'm gone. I am sorry I had to leave you. Six months now, and you’re still alone by yourself with no one around. I hope my call helps, even a little. Stay strong a little bit longer please.

Now that I am older, and now that I am here, I can fully understand and share your loneliness and pain, I’ll be back in eight months. I promise, I’ll make you proud, insyaAllah.


Dear Allah, please take care of her.