But there's always a choice.
(mcm kajol kat cite My Name Is Khan. heh)
Just a reminder. :)
K, serious.
I would like share something,
Never ever have I planned to experience all these recent events in my entire life.
Allah letakkan satu tanggungjawab besar atas diri saya, out of the 160+ students, He picked me to be the President of a student organization here. And I think that’s the heaviest responsibility a Singaporean student can carry here. In fact, I am only the 30th person to carry out this responsibility within the past 42 years, and I am not that strong enough to begin with. You will have to understand the workload and stress I had to carry.
I am in my final year now and I am going to take my very last and final term exam. I have not been doing very well since my first year, and this add alot to my stress this year. Suddenly result became a great concern. I had to balance between school and organizational work. It was not easy at all.
Then, one of my teammates whom I really count on and has been working with me for the past two years, back out of the team. I was left handicapped. The impact was great, but I tried hard to hide it for the sake of the team. So I was left alone with the longest experience to lead them. That was a pretty huge challenge to start with.
The first few months were ok, I had support, and I know there’ll always be someone that I could count on whenever I was down, and I am very grateful for that.
But before long, I faced relationship and family issues, with those whom I care most, especially mom and granny. I wanted them to be safe here and far more importantly in the hereafter. I was forced to make critical and tough decisions. I didn’t stop from asking Allah for guidance. In the end, desperately, I had no choice but to sacrifice and let go of someone I really care and who are very dear to me. That dragged me down real bad.
I tried real hard to pull through and make sure everything was put in place. My job was not just for the team, but the welfare of the whole students here. And there are many more that I don’t wish to mention.
At one point of time, things went from bad to worst. So many things to be done, to worry, think about and solve. This is the time when I needed someone the most, the time when I needed to be comforted and highly motivated. A time I can’t manage to do it all alone, no, not just by myself. I was in need for moral support badly. To make things even worst, I made a huge mistake. I put very high hopes and placed my burden on the one who has been supporting me morally, mentally. Yet, I was not being appreciative nor thankful at all. Too much to handle, I lost em too. It was totally my fault, and this part here, was the hardest above all.
I was left alone. I don’t know why, but really, Allah didn’t provide me anyone, there was literally no one to talk or turn to because I’ve been counting on just one, none other. All those negative thoughts and feelings came, problems rise one after another. I only had my exhausted team to move on with the responsibilities, and I am grateful for that, at least. Leading was no easy task. In the midst of hardship, loneliness and pain, I have no option to show any slight weaknesses but to force myself to stay bright, positive and motivated for the team and the rest of the members, in order to raise their moral and spirit to keep on going.
Alhamdulillah, after months of struggles, I managed to pull through, but just this part of the phase. Struggling between having to endure the pain, loneliness, emptiness, leading and three months of daily hectic programs and troubles passed quite smoothly. With Allah’s help, it was an achievement, for me. But apart from that, I failed, I failed to be a good family member and friend, and I failed badly. My failure was the main reason for all these grieves, and I terribly am sorry.
Do you want to know why I failed? It is simply because I didn’t turn to Allah as much as I do today. Plainly, that’s just it.
Hence, all the negative previous posts you saw. Seriously, ignore all those posts. Itu adalah kata-kata dari seorang yang sedang lemah, jatuh dan tak mampu untuk bangun kembali. Orang yang sedang berjauhan dengan Penciptanya. Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih. Please.
But now, it’s different. I’ve been letting myself busy in search of Allah, to get close to Him. It took me weeks before I can really get a hold of myself back together. Slowly things are getting better. Almost everything has got back on its track. My team has been of great support. We won’t be able to make it this far without their patience and endurance. I have people to take care of and vice versa. My relationships with others are getting better and that is the most important part. Alhamdulillah.
Now that I am a lil bit ok, I promise myself to make everyone else around me to be ok too. I’ll try my very best to make things better for everyone, because Allah has made things much, much, much better for me. I’ll make up for all those mistakes I made. Especially to the one I love most. I am going to make huge changes, for the better with so many plans in mind, so that the future team won’t be as struggling. With the hope that we’ll produce future contemporary ulama’ for the community.
InsyaAllah. Biiznillah.
So yeah, story of my life. Ahah.
Saya amat bersyukur kerana Allah beri peluang kepada saya untuk menghadapi segala ujian ini. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Thank You. Sayang Dia.
I don’t mind sharing, because there may be some things that could be learnt. I hope no one will ever make the same mistakes I've made. Never let yourself gone too far away from Allah. That’s when all the trouble starts to take place. That’s when Satan takes their chances…
Find Allah and everything else will find its own way.
In whatever situation you’re in. InsyaAllah.
Wallahu’alam.
